The Resilience Recipe

Rates of anxiety and depression in children and teens have surged over the last decade. Dr. Khanna argues that parents deserve detailed, science-backed guidance—not quick tips—so they can share the “recipe for resilience” with their kids. Resilience gives young people the confidence to face uncomfortable situations and lean into growth.

The mission of this blog series is to communicate the pillars of resilience. Decades of CBT research show that when families understand how thoughts, feelings, and behaviors interact, they can coach their children with clarity. The FEAR plan—Feel, Evaluate, Act, Reflect—serves as a roadmap for gradually stepping into difficult situations rather than turning away.

• Awareness and compassion help kids notice patterns without judgment.
• Growth mindset reframes setbacks as opportunities.
• Approach behaviors rewire the brain by practicing bravery.
• Security from caring adults fuels confidence to experiment.

Parents are uniquely positioned to offer this foundation. By learning the FEAR plan alongside their children, families can build routines that reinforce resilience day after day.

Awareness is the starting point for resilience. Drawing from Buddhist philosophy, ACT, DBT, and CBT, Dr. Khanna describes how paying attention to thoughts, sensations, and behaviors creates the space to respond intentionally instead of reacting automatically.

Kids often feel at the mercy of situations because they are still developing cognitive flexibility. Teaching them to notice their inner dialogue—“just because you thought it doesn’t mean you think it”—shows that their focus shapes their emotional experience.

Families can begin with neutral conversation starters. For example, talking about how different people experience the same birthday party introduces the idea that interpretation, not the event itself, drives emotions. This practice gradually builds the skill of observing thoughts, labeling feelings, and choosing a response.

Resilience grows when children see challenges as invitations to learn. Dr. Khanna explores how a growth mindset helps families replace “what if I fail?” with “how can I learn from this?”. Practicing flexibility in attention—shifting from loss to opportunity—teaches kids that they can influence their outlook.

Parents can cultivate this mindset by modeling curiosity, praising effort, and helping kids identify strengths. When setbacks happen, families can brainstorm what information the experience provided and how to use it next time. Over repetitions, a growth mindset strengthens optimism and reduces avoidance.

Knowledge alone doesn’t create change—action does. The third ingredient of resilience is committing to approach behaviors. Anxiety and worry are maintained by avoidance, so families practice new skills by taking gradual, purposeful steps toward feared situations.

Dr. Khanna recommends scheduling “approach moments” and celebrating effort. Start with doable challenges, reflect on what was learned, and plan the next step. Over time, these experiences rewire the brain, reducing the fight-or-flight response and building bravery.

Part two continues the focus on approach. Parents often ask how to maintain momentum once their child starts facing fears. Dr. Khanna suggests creating a “bravery ladder” with clear steps, rewards for effort, and coaching questions such as: “What did you notice?”, “What helped?”, and “What would you try next time?”.

Progress is rarely linear; lapses are natural. Revisiting the FEAR plan, reviewing victories, and adjusting goals keeps the process collaborative and compassionate.

Security is the environment that makes resilience possible. While parents can’t promise a life without hardship, they can provide unwavering support, encouragement, and appreciation. Security tells children, “You are loved exactly as you are, and I’m here as you grow.”

This chapter highlights the power of validation, co-regulation, and reliable routines. When kids know they are safe to experiment, they engage with challenges instead of shrinking away from them.

The FEAR plan turns resilience ingredients into action. Step 1—Feel—helps kids notice their body cues, thoughts, and emotions. Families can create “awareness checklists” to identify triggers and use grounding exercises to stay present.

Practicing this step with low-stress situations prepares children to use it when anxiety rises. The goal is to name what’s happening (“My heart is racing because I’m nervous about the test”) and remember that feelings are signals, not emergencies.

Step 2—Evaluate—is about thinking about thinking. Kids learn to ask, “Is this thought helpful? Is it 100% true?”. Parents can guide them to gather evidence, consider alternative explanations, and focus on strengths.

Writing thoughts down, rating belief strength, and comparing it to previous experiences builds cognitive flexibility. The result is a more balanced narrative that leaves room for problem solving.

Step 3—Act—translates insights into behavior. Families create action plans with specific goals, coping strategies, and rewards. Dr. Khanna encourages breaking challenges into manageable steps and practicing them regularly, even when anxiety is low.

Tracking efforts (not just outcomes) keeps motivation high. Each success, no matter how small, is evidence that bravery is possible.

Step 4—Reflect and Reward—cements learning. Families review what went well, what was challenging, and what adjustments to make. Celebrating effort reinforces the message that courage is a practice.

Reflection questions such as “What surprised you?”, “What did you learn about yourself?”, and “How will you handle this next time?” transform each exposure into a confidence-building story.